Welcome
to the
Communication and Conflict website!


Promoting Mindful Communication

Growth through Conflict


Conflict is the beginning of consciousness - M.Esther Harding


Thanks for visiting the Communication and Conflict website!

Hi, I'm Alan Sharland

My work, for the past 20 years, as a Mediator, Conflict Coach and Trainer in Conflict Management skills, has been to assist people in dispute.

The observations, insights and Principles given on this website have been taught to me by the many brave, but determined people who wanted to create ways of resolving their conflicts effectively.

"In my opinion there are few people in this country who are as skilled both as a practitioner and leading advocate of Conflict Management and Conflict Resolution as Alan Sharland. He has an excellent reputation in the field." - Marina Cantacuzino - Founder/Director of The Forgiveness Project.


Are you involved in a destructive conflict?

Have you had:

  • a tiff with your partner?
  • a ruck with your boss?
  • a sulk from your teenager?
  • a riot in your meeting?
  • gang warfare on your estate?
  • some other kind of 'falling out' with someone?

Has the problem become entrenched over a number of weeks, months or even years?

Does it tire you out?


Do you want some support?



This website provides answers to these questions and many others relating to Communication and Conflict....

  • Do you repeatedly find yourself in the same kind of conflict situation with the same person or even with many different people?
  • Do you work in one of the Helping Professions and wonder why you feel so overwhelmed by the demands of your clients?
  • Or are you struggling with a destructive conflict situation at work and want to know how effective communication in the workplace can help?
  • Do you want to find out how effective interpersonal communication can support conflict resolution in relationships?
  • Do you want resources and approaches you can use to teach yourself and others how to resolve conflict effectively?
  • Are you looking for conflict resolution exercises or training in effective interpersonal communication and conflict management skills that support conflict resolution?


This website also helps you to......

These are just some of the insights and challenges that you will find in the pages of this website.


Are you a Conflict Resolution Practitioner looking for resources and further understanding of your field of work?


Would you like to know....

  • What are the Underlying Philosophies of Mediation that underpin the insights and ideas discussed in this website?
  • What is meant by a 'No-blame approach' or 'No-blame culture'?
  • What is the Rescuer Syndrome and why is it a destructive response to conflict?
  • Why is empowerment such an important aspect of effective conflict resolution? What is empowerment in this context?
  • What are the effective communication skills used in supporting someone in the resolution of their destructive conflict?

  • Here's a quick overview of the site...

    Ok, the main features that you will find on the site are:

    • 9 Principles of Effective Interpersonal Communication which also support effective Conflict Resolution (you can even purchase a Guide that helps you to practice these).
    • 6 Underlying Philosophies of Mediation - if you are a mediator or just interested in what mediation is 'about', these will explain the thinking behind my mediation practice.
    • 3 different ways in which people tend to respond to conflict. Two of them never lead to a resolution of conflict. One of them helps us to resolve it and grow and learn from conflict.
    • 3 Communication Skills that help us to be effective communicators, and help us to help others resolve their conflicts when requested. You can also buy an e-booklet that puts all the information about these skills together for easy reference. .



    Skype Consultation

    You can also arrange a Consultation via Skype if you would like One-to-One support with:
    • How to handle a conflict situation constructively
    • Communication difficulties you are experiencing
    • Mentoring for your conflict resolution practice if you are a Mediator




    Would you like to Sit Back and Watch an Inspirational Video!

    Check out the Communication and Conflict Video Lounge




    Some more on Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution....

    The practices of effective interpersonal communication and effective conflict resolution are more about self-awareness than about techniques or 'strategies' for changing or 'dealing with' others.

    And that's great news. Because it's impossible to change others, but the possibilities for changing ourselves are infinite. And we each have the power to do so.

    Seeking to control or change others in a conflict is conflict suppression and conflict avoidance. It doesn't work.

    Seeking to control or change ourselves in a conflict situation leads to conflict resolution. It does work.

    Effective support for conflict resolution empowers people to find ways of controlling or changing themselves.



    Ok, as you can see there are a lot of resources on the site. If you haven't already done so via some of the earlier links then take the first step and......


    Click here to start your journey towards more Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution.

    Find Alan Sharland - author of this site - on Google+



    Find out how I came to build this website.....

    I Love SBI!

    New! Comments

    Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.

    Are you experiencing difficulties communicating with someone? Perhaps at work with your boss, or your colleagues, or at home with your partner, children or other family members? Is there an unresolved conflict that you are struggling with?

    Guide to Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution
    Buy The Guide to The Principles of Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution for just $7, and learn the insights gained from the practices of Mediation and Conflict Coaching that can help you communicate better and create new ways to resolve your conflict.

    There's also a FREE COPY of the e-booklet Listening, Summarising and Questioning - The Simple, Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution with every purchase of The Guide.

    Some recent feedback on The Guide:

    Dear Alan - I recently purchased The Guide which I think is excellent and highly useful in a personal and professional context. I am a teacher with the Skills Institute in Tasmania and I'm about to roll out communication training in Tasmania's only youth detention facility. I have an enormous amount of material regarding communication but none as succinct or as user-friendly as what you have developed.

    Clare Thompson
    Teacher-Human Services Skills Institute - Tasmania


    The Communication and Conflict website is referenced as a resource in the Yale University Resource Guide for Skill Development for its staff Individual Development Plan process.


    Alan,

    I work at a homeless shelter/rehab and I teach a class on community living. This is a new field of employment for me. I can use this site for ideas for the class I teach.

    This is going to be very interesting and educational for myself as well as others.

    This site is a big help. Thank you!

    TM, Kentucky, USA


    Alan Sharland, author of the Communication and Conflict website is Director of CAOS Conflict Management, where he has a blog called CAOTICA, please visit by clicking this banner and if you like what you see please subscribe to CAOTICA.
    CAOTICA the CAOS Conflict Management Blog


    Working with 'Bullying'? - This may interest you….

    Hello Alan Sharland

    Thank you SO MUCH for this article! It brings forward some very key points about the phenomenon of "bullying" which I have been pondering for some while. Among others, asking to what extent can/should the person on the receiving end of the bullying/perceived to be bullying take responsibility/initiate steps to shift the paradigm? How can this happen without implying that the recipient is somehow responsible for the bullying behavior?

    Laurie McCann, Campus Ombuds, Univ Calif Santa Cruz


    New E-Book Out Soon!
    Sign up to be notified of publication of the upcoming e-book by Alan Sharland: 3-Cheers for Conflict-An Opportunity for Learning, Connection and Insight. Conflict Resolution Without Needing Others to Change
    - Click on the image below to find out more:

    3 Cheers for Conflict - an Opportunity for Learning Connection and Insight



    Hi Alan,

    You have put together an awesome web site with lots of fantastic materials.

    John Ford - Managing Editor Mediate.com



    Hi Alan, ..... your site is great. I've been reading all the material and have to say its already made a difference in how I sort out/manage some of life's little problems. JH - West London, UK



    This article is the BEST article on questioning I have ever read and I'd like, with your permission, to pass it along to our mediators.Your examples of both genuinely open and 'not-so-open' with explanations are very insightful.

    ML - Canadian Govt. Agency




    Hi Alan

    I have just spent hours on your site as I truly love the eclectic mix of reference material that you kindly share. From Gibran to Byron Katie and the fab youtube clips! I am making my free hugs poster as of now :-)

    Anni with joyful smile :-)
    Preston, UK