Grab a hot chocolate, pull up a bean bag, and settle down for some inspirational viewing...
First of all:
A Guided Visualisation to help you resolve any conflict in your life:
"My Mother Won't Listen"
Byron Katie is 'the business' in my view. I hope these videos have given an insight into why 'The Work' can be so powerful.
Eckhart Tolle speaks in this video of the impact of not using what can be described as a competitive approach to conflicts, playing the 'tennis match' of criticisms and reactions. Not seeking to change others but to remain aware of oneself in order to simply observe when we have an impulse to react to the things that, in the past, we have unconsciously and automatically reacted to. This awareness gives us the capacity to choose a more effective response.
Repeated actions are a feature of any destructive responses to conflict and as Eckhart describes here, are common in the ongoing disputes that occur within families, but which also occur in all chronic dispute situations.
The Guide to the Principles of Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution:
Veronica De Andres
Veronica De Andres
Veronica de Andres - OK, so she's dressed in pink and gold and she wafts her arms a bit.....but she makes an important point about the 'use' of fear. For me she's talking about conflict suppression. Love is freedom, Love is creativity, Love is expansion. Right on Veronica.
Free Hugs Campaign
Free Hugs Campaign
Fantastic. I love this vid.
And if you needed reasons to hug.....here are
Sometimes, a hug is all we need.
Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whose sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.
In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.
How about a little fun dancing to connect people all over the world.
Check out this video....
I dare you not to smile while you watch it ;-)
A video about Forgiveness - Caroline Myss - Why People Don't Heal
And here's another video by Caroline Myss - about how we have come to expect everything should have a 'reason' or can be 'reasoned - and why that isn't working for us.
Train to be a Mediator in London, UK with CAOS Conflict Management.
Get the Guide!
Are you experiencing difficulties communicating with someone? Perhaps at work with your boss, or your colleagues, or at home with your partner, children or other family members?
Is there an unresolved conflict that you are struggling with?
There's also a FREE COPY of the e-booklet Listening, Summarising and Questioning - The Simple, Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution with every purchase of The Guide.
Some recent feedback on The Guide:
Dear Alan - I recently purchased The Guide which I think is excellent and highly useful in a personal and professional context. I am a teacher with the Skills Institute in Tasmania and I'm about to roll out communication training in Tasmania's only youth detention facility. I have an enormous amount of material regarding communication but none as succinct or as user-friendly as what you have developed.
Teacher-Human Services Skills Institute - Tasmania
It is refreshing to find reading material that informs and inspires and can provide a good resource for small organisations such as ours.
Anne Johnston - The Shropshire Housing Alliance Mediation Service
I did a 1 hour workshop where I presented your Facts and Feelings Listening Exercise. We learned so much about how we listen and the consequences of not listening well that I was asked to purchase your book and have another Listening Meeting.
My team just launched a project that could have whipped the team members and executives into a tremendous conflict. I required everyone to follow your rules for listening and it has been the best implementation we have had in 10years.
Thank you for your generous and comprehensive communications and conflict resolution information.
Angela - Information Technology & Systems VP
'What is a Bully?' Comment on article by Alan which was published on the Mediate.com website
Thank you SO MUCH for this article! It brings forward some very key points about the phenomenon of "bullying" which I have been pondering for some while. Among others, asking to what extent can/should the person on the receiving end of the bullying/perceived to be bullying take responsibility/initiate steps to shift the paradigm? How can this happen without implying that the recipient is somehow responsible for the bullying behavior?
To a certain extent the steps you suggest point to the strategies of NonViolent Communication: Observe and simply describe the behavior, understand and honor your own feelings and needs in the situation, and take responsibility for meeting them by making requests to change the situation.
There has been a significant upsurge of email traffic about bullying in the last year among the members of the Int'l. Ombudsman's Association (principally the academic sector). Much of the exchange, in my view, has tended to favor the stance of "recipient of the behavior as victim," without agency to change the situation, thereby perpetuating the problem and doing a disservice to all. I will be forwarding this article to my colleagues to spice up the conversation!
Laurie McCann, Campus Ombuds, Univ Calif Santa Cruz