Here's a sample video from the Communication and Conflict youtube channel: Why Using I-statements Helps to Create More Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution!

Adult son is very upset about some of his belongings thrown out when he left for a year.

by Tamira
(San Francisco)

How do I talk to him when he looks through the garage for things of his are gone. I am always blamed and we end up fighting. I have to let him in the garage and listen to his pain and anger. It makes me sad and I am very anxious about this. ( His step dad is the one that got rid of stuff)!

Comments for Adult son is very upset about some of his belongings thrown out when he left for a year.

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 26, 2018
Thanks Tamira
by: Alan

Hi Tamira

Thanks for the contact. I'm interested in your comment that you are always blamed and you end up fighting. This is usually due to discussions becoming a 'competitive' approach to a conflict where the battle is to say one person is wrong and the other right or is the victim. The main features of a resolved situation could be seen as occurring when there is learning, connection and/or insight, described in this article:

A competitive or avoidance approach to any conflict will always become entrenched:

If the past cannot be changed with regard to his things the question is what will be done in the future to prevent a similar experience happening again....what can he do, what can you do, what can you both do or even all of you, including his step-dad if he is willing to participate in a better way forward? Blame is past focused, and leads to things remaining stuck. A no-blame approach allows for learning and change. Your son may not be interested in that and may want to focus on blame but ultimately, even if he isn't, if you are able to step outside of defending or retaliating to accusations your focus can be on ensuring the same doesn't happen again in future - which is ultimately the main benefit of conflict resolution as the past can never be changed.

"In the no-blame approach, all mistakes are treated as opportunities to learn, connect with others and gain insights at various levels - personal, procedural, organisational etc. through:

the openness to explore rather than defend,
the willingness to review rather than justify and....
the intention to co-operate rather than condemn."
.....from this page:

I hope that is of use but if not please feel free to make direct contact with me to explore further.

Thanks again for your comment.


Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Using 'I' Statements.

Train to be a Mediator in the UK with CAOS Conflict Management. 

Based in London, the training is a 6-day course spread over 2 x 3-day sessions. Click the link above for details of our next course. 

CAOS is the UK based Conflict Management business run by Alan Sharland, creator of the Communication and Conflict website. 

Please visit the

 Communication and Conflict 

Facebook page:

Donate to this site:

If you feel this website has been of use to you, please make a donation via the button below.

THANK YOU! For any contribution you make:

Are you UK based and wanting mediation, conflict coaching or training in communication and/or conflict resolution related issues?

Mediation skills, Conflict Coaching skills, bespoke training in holding effective meetings, dealing with difficult behaviour, or other related areas?

If so, contact Alan via his business website at CAOS Conflict Management