Welcome to the Video Lounge.....

If you'd like to see more videos that promote mindful communication, growth through conflict visit the Communication and Conflict youtube channel and subscribe if you would like to be notified of future videos.  

First of all:

Here's a sample video from the Communication and Conflict youtube channel: Why Using I-statements Helps to Create More Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution!

.....and here's a video that explains: Why Using I-statements Helps Us Create and Practise More Effective Communication!

How mindful are you about whether you use open or closed questions in your conversations, particularly those that are difficult conversations or in relation to some form of unresolved conflict? This video explains why open questions will make a significant difference to the outcome....

Do you want to know more about Conflict Coaching? This video explains more about the CAOS model of Conflict Coaching, practised and taught by Alan Sharland, Director of CAOS Conflict Management and creator of this website:

Why don't allegations of workplace bullying get resolved? This video explains why and describes the ways in which they can be:

Here are some videos by people who have been inspirational in my life and development as a Mediator and Conflict Coach:

Byron Katie
"My Mother Won't Listen"

Byron Katie is 'the business' in my view. I hope these videos have given an insight into why 'The Work' can be so powerful.

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle speaks of the impact of not using what can be described as a competitive approach to conflicts, playing the 'tennis match' of criticisms and reactions. Not seeking to change others but to remain aware of oneself in order to simply observe when we have an impulse to react to the things that, in the past, we have unconsciously and automatically reacted to. This awareness gives us the capacity to choose a more effective response.

Repeated actions are a feature of any destructive responses to conflict and as Eckhart describes here, are common in the ongoing disputes that occur within families, but which also occur in all chronic dispute situations.

Veronica De Andres

Veronica de Andres - OK, so she's dressed in pink and gold and she wafts her arms a bit.....but she makes an important point about the 'use' of fear. For me she's talking about conflict suppression. Love is freedom, Love is creativity, Love is expansion. Right on Veronica.

Free Hugs Campaign

Fantastic. I love this vid.

Free Hugs Campaign

And if you needed reasons to hug.....here are 

20 Amazing Benefits of Hugging According to Science (+10 Hugging Tips)

Sometimes, a hug is all we need.

Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whose sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

How about a little fun dancing to connect people all over the world.

Check out this video....

I dare you not to smile while you watch it ;-)

One World!

Click here to go to the site 'Where the Hell is Matt?'

A video about Forgiveness - Caroline Myss - Why People Don't Heal

And here's another video by Caroline Myss - about how we have come to expect everything should have a 'reason' or can be 'reasoned - and why that isn't working for us.

Here's an inspirational video of Aimee Mullins,someone who discusses the challenges of labels and 'definitions':

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Are you UK based and wanting mediation, conflict coaching or training in communication and/or conflict resolution related issues?

Mediation skills, Conflict Coaching skills, bespoke training in holding effective meetings, dealing with difficult behaviour, or other related areas?

If so, contact Alan via his business website at CAOS Conflict Management 

Train to be a Mediator in London, UK with CAOS Conflict Management.

Get the Guide!

Are you experiencing difficulties communicating with someone? Perhaps at work with your boss, or your colleagues, or at home with your partner, children or other family members?

Is there an unresolved conflict that you are struggling with?

Guide to Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution

Buy The Guide to The Principles of Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution for just $7, and learn the insights gained from the practices of Mediation and Conflict Coaching that can help you communicate better and create new ways to resolve your conflict.

There's also a FREE COPY of the e-booklet Listening, Summarising and Questioning - The Simple, Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution with every purchase of The Guide.

Some recent feedback on The Guide:

Dear Alan - I recently purchased The Guide which I think is excellent and highly useful in a personal and professional context. I am a teacher with the Skills Institute in Tasmania and I'm about to roll out communication training in Tasmania's only youth detention facility. I have an enormous amount of material regarding communication but none as succinct or as user-friendly as what you have developed.

Clare Thompson
Teacher-Human Services Skills Institute - Tasmania

Some more comments about this site.....

Hi Alan

It is refreshing to find reading material that informs and inspires and can provide a good resource for small organisations such as ours.

Anne Johnston - The Shropshire Housing Alliance Mediation Service

I did a 1 hour workshop where I presented your Facts and Feelings Listening Exercise. We learned so much about how we listen and the consequences of not listening well that I was asked to purchase your book and have another Listening Meeting.

My team just launched a project that could have whipped the team members and executives into a tremendous conflict. I required everyone to follow your rules for listening and it has been the best implementation we have had in 10years.

Thank you for your generous and comprehensive communications and conflict resolution information.

Angela - Information Technology & Systems VP

'What is a Bully?' Comment on article by Alan which was published on the Mediate.com website

Thank you SO MUCH for this article! It brings forward some very key points about the phenomenon of "bullying" which I have been pondering for some while. Among others, asking to what extent can/should the person on the receiving end of the bullying/perceived to be bullying take responsibility/initiate steps to shift the paradigm? How can this happen without implying that the recipient is somehow responsible for the bullying behavior?

To a certain extent the steps you suggest point to the strategies of NonViolent Communication: Observe and simply describe the behavior, understand and honor your own feelings and needs in the situation, and take responsibility for meeting them by making requests to change the situation.

There has been a significant upsurge of email traffic about bullying in the last year among the members of the Int'l. Ombudsman's Association (principally the academic sector). Much of the exchange, in my view, has tended to favor the stance of "recipient of the behavior as victim," without agency to change the situation, thereby perpetuating the problem and doing a disservice to all. I will be forwarding this article to my colleagues to spice up the conversation!

Laurie McCann, Campus Ombuds, Univ Calif Santa Cruz